Article by: Gautam Gupta (he/him)
A few months back, while talking to someone over Hinge, I was met with the remark that “someone shouldn’t get a date based on their political views”, because of my bio saying I would like to meet a leftist girl. The girl was a leftist too, but just didn’t think political ideology should be the basis of liking someone. This made me think, how much exactly do politics influence our dating lives, and if we should judge people based on their political alignment.
Society is a complex human construct, and politics is what shapes the way society functions. The leader we, the people, elect determines some very major aspects of our surroundings, from the price of onions to even the lives of our friends, in some cases. A lot of right-wing parties around the world are either vehemently anti-LGBT, have an anti-choice stance on people getting abortions, support aggressive military manoeuvres, oppose social benefits for poor people, or even all of these. This means that supporting these parties for any reason means you support ALL of their policies, which may jeopardise another person’s life. In the case of India, for example, a lot of people were swayed by the slick speeches made by Narendra Modi leading up to the 2014 General Elections, praising his Gujarat Model and making promises which did not have any ideas for actual implementation behind them, and completely disregarding his shady past, with his involvements with the 2002 Gujarat Riots and the RSS, which is openly ultra-Hindu. This has led to the breakdown of free speech and dismantling of democratic structure in India, and a government which openly encourages double-think under the guise of nationalism.
So, coming back to the topic of dating, why do I think one shouldn’t date a person who endorses such a political party or ideology? Simply because me being with such a person sends the message to my Muslim friends, to my friends belonging to other oppressed minorities, that I don’t see them, that I don’t see their struggles, and whatever regard I show for their lives is a farce being acted out for social points. One should practice what one preaches, and if our lust can overpower our conscience, what does it say about our conscience?
A fascist political ideology points to an underlying malaise as well. Most people who support the right wing don’t do it because of the development and services these parties promise, but perhaps because the right wing offers a chance to act upon their underlying bigoted agendas, which was starting to become unfashionable lately. Dating someone with such views is a subtle acknowledgement and approval of their ideas, and even if you think you might be able to change them, you telling them that you’ll be with them despite their views reinforces their views to some extent (but of course, I am no social scientist and this is a very broad generalization; I am sure one of you has managed to convert a Neo-Nazi to the good cause or whatever).
On the flipside of this, one tends to find people with a similar political alignment that much more attractive and easy to be with since sharing a common political ground means that you both have the same kind of ideas about a lot of major issues that tend to shape a person. There is just something ethically reassuring about knowing that the person sleeping in the bed next to me doesn’t want to hurt my pals because one of them might be bisexual or a Communist.
People tend to a vast variety of views, and when I was younger, I used to think we should give everyone the right to their voice their opinions and not be restricted simply because of the ideology they subscribe too. But growing up, it has been drilled into me by the horrific racial and prejudiced events around me that some ideologies are more dangerous than others, and viewpoints that aim to hurt people for no fault of their own should be de-platformed, and not just brushed over. In the end, I would say opposites do attract, but for things like different favourite flavours of ice-cream, and not whether people in Iraq deserve at least the right to not be subjected to war crimes.
For additional reading on this topic:
https://thetab.com/uk/2020/07/03/if-youre-a-girl-dating-a-boy-whos-subtly-homophobic-you-cannot-call-yourself-an-ally-164513?fbclid=IwAR2tZKsq37_tSG3jkFMtQLSklvGM3-w8Acg5TsoY_kWO2hhJwyTzj7EnKwI
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